Posts Tagged ‘Death’

I live in an apartment complex with a gym. You need an electronic key to get into it – which I don’t currently have in my possession – so I’ve been meaning to get another from the rental office. Today as I was driving past the office my intuition told me to get the key now.

Everything happens for a reason.

The office should have been open for another 20 minutes, but today it was closed. I went around the side door and saw there were still people in there; the office lady was talking to someone and beckoned me to wait a moment, which I did.

When she was finished she let me in. She had been crying. She apologized; her mother had died 2 weeks earlier and she was having a ‘moment’ so closed early today, but was happy to help me with what I needed.

I told her I was sorry about her loss, I had lost my mother some years earlier so understood just how difficult it can be. She asked me how she died (I understand first-hand how talking about such things can be comforting) and so I told her about her sudden death.

She was sorry to hear about how Mum died, and told me that although she ‘kind of’ knew that her own mother had heath issues, she didn’t realize to what extent and therefore her death was still very unexpected. Her mother had gone to the doctor and had various tests, and the doctor essentially told her she had all the makings of a heart condition. He urged her to have a procedure done, but she was a firm believer of natural remedies and believed that she could fix her heath by living a healthy lifestyle and eating right, so declined the procedure. The office lady told me she wished she had realized just how serious her mother’s condition was, but she figured she knew what her mother was doing and knew best. Had she had only known what she knows now, she would have made her mother have that procedure.

I told her she shouldn’t blame herself. I am a firm believer that when it is your time, it is your time. I said that even if she did have that procedure, she may have died on the operating table. It is not her fault for how things turned out; it was just her time and there was nothing she could have done about it.

But I know all too-well that self blame. I spoke of my own mother, and how none of us could have had any possible warning of what was to come, yet still I somehow blamed myself. Over and over I would replay in my mind the endless possibilities of how I could have somehow intervened by doing something differently, and somehow changed destiny.

But after she died, upon reflection there were many things Mum did and said that indicated that somewhere deep down she knew she was going to die. I didn’t realize it before her death, but afterwards I reflected on these strange things she she did and said, and in hindsight it was obvious that some part of her knew what was to come.

The office lady told me that it was strange I even said that, as her own mother has started saying strange things herself. She was living with her the 3 months leading up to her death, and one of the strange things her mother told her about was a dream she had, that she dreamed she was getting married.

I told her that dreaming about getting married can be symbolic of the fact you are going to die, and that was a teaching she received. While death is a terribly sad event for us here who are losing someone we love, for Spiritual Beings death is the start of a new beginning or a new chapter and a celebration, just as marriage is. Thus dreaming of getting married can often be a spiritual teaching that one is going to die.

I told her I have a book that explains some dream symbology, and I asked her to wait a moment while I went upstairs to get it for her. I came back and showed her the “Dream Symbols” chapter:


Physical death – of the person who is dreaming they are getting married, or death of the person in the marriage ceremony they are dreaming about.

She couldn’t believe it. And she couldn’t believe how I randomly turned up at that moment and embarked on this conversation with her, and how she randomly told me about this dream her mother had, like it was meant to happen.

Everything happens for a reason.

I then told her a little about astral travel, and about how some years ofter my mother’s death I found her personality in the astral and had an experience with her (which I wrote about here. I also wrote about how she died here).

I explained that a person’s personality is fully formed at about the age of 7, and it contains everything about that person in this life; all their memories, everything they learned and what we attribute to “them”. When a person dies, their consciousness (that ‘spark’ that is awake) moves on to the next stage in the wheel of life, likely to be reincarnated into another life. But just like the physical body is discarded after death in the physical plane, the personality is also discarded after death in the astral plane. When people see ghosts, they are often seeing the personalities of dead people.

I told her that finding Mum’s personality really helped me a lot in getting over the loss.

She asked me if that was really her though? I told her not ‘really’; her consciousness (the spiritual part) is who she really is, but her personality was everything that I knew her to be in this life – she looked like Mum, she smelled like Mum, she recognized me and I could hold her and hug her and hold her and we talked. Her personality was all the things I missed about her. Her consciousness was gone, and thus it was like she was in a dream. But that experience made me realize that what I was holding onto and missing so much (her personality) was not really her, and I was able to stop missing her so much after that. It gave me an insight to life that I couldn’t possibly convey in words, and it was an incredibly healing experience.

I gave her the book (it was my very last copy) and told her to read it. It talks a little about death, and it gives her real tools to actually find out and ‘know’ about death, and the ability to unlock many answers that she would be lost for right now. It really helped me a lot, and I know it will help her.

Everything happens for a reason.

Today in itself was a teaching. Largely for her, but even more so for me. The Divine is real and we are all being guided by spiritual beings all of the time, whether we recognize it or not. Nothing is chance; everything happens for a reason. What we make of the chances we are given is up to us; but we are given many chances and teachings showing us this all of the time. If you don’t believe me, then you can find this out for yourself.

Upon leaving she exclaimed what if she has a dream that she was getting married? Would this mean she was going to die? I told her no not necessarily; we just had this conversation about it so she may very well have a dream about marriage, just because it is recorded in her subconscious and seemed to be something that concerned her. To know the difference between a subconscious dream and a spiritual teaching she would need to get in touch with her intuition and learn how to ‘feel’ to interpret the real meaning of dreams. A book can only tell you so much, but to really understand them you need to discover how to unlock your intuition for yourself. But the book gives you the tools for how to do so.

(The book I gave her was “A course in Astral Travel and Dreams”, which is no longer in print but is soon to be released as a free e-book. I think you can still pick it up on Amazon though – and if this post struck a chord with you I encourage you to get it. It is an AMAZING discovery! You found my post for a reason, after-all!)


Read Full Post »

crossreflectionEaster is one of the most significant events in the Christian calendar, and it is a spiritual and reflective time for many people throughout the world.

This rings particularly true for me. Easter is a profoundly significant time both personally and spiritually to me.

My Mother was killed on Easter Saturday, 12 years ago. She just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was visiting a good friend of hers to give easter eggs to her children. This friend had ended a relationship with a man some two weeks prior, and it just happened to be the day that this man turned up at her house with a gun.

My entire world collapsed that day. I will never forget when the police arrived to tell us what had happened to our mother. My brother and I were still teenagers at the time. Words simply cannot describe how horrendously painful that time of our lives was.

One of the saddest times for me was about a week or so after the funeral, when all the flowers died. All week, the house had been filled with the perfume of beautiful bright bouquets and cards of well wishes and it was comforting.

But then all the flowers wilted and died.

And I threw them out, and the house was empty and bare.

And the phone stopped ringing.

And the world moved on.

But my world was left in pieces.

When a significant tragedy occurs in your life, you really stop and question many things. I had always been spiritually inclined, even as a child I would ponder things like why I was here? What was the point of life? What happens when you die? What is beyond this life? But when something like this happens, you ponder these things profoundly.

Why did this happen? Why Mum? Why me? Where did she go? Does she even exist anymore? What’s the point of even living? Do you just die and then it’s all over, that’s it? Why even bother? Why, why, why?

I had no answers to these questions, and in the months (even years) following her death I spiraled into a dark depression. I developed post traumatic stress disorder, and at night I would be gripped with irrational fear that someone was going to come into my bedroom and shoot me. Sometimes this was accompanied by auditory hallucinations of footsteps coming up the hallway, it was terrifying. In the few hours when I would finally fall to sleep, I was plagued with horrific nightmares.

The worst part was waking up in the mornings. When you wake up there is a few seconds of peace as you transition from the dream world to the physical world… but then it hits you – you remember she is dead, and it’s like experiencing the loss all over again, every single time you wake up.

I turned to drugs and alcohol to try to escape the pain and sadness inside me. I didn’t want to live anymore, and wished that I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I thought about suicide a lot, and the only reason I didn’t do it was my belief in reincarnation; I figured I must be here for a reason, and if I was to kill myself before I actualized that reason, then I would be brought back again to re-live these experiences (or their equivalent) until I ‘got it’. Well I couldn’t bare the thought of having to endure this pain from the beginning all over again, so that wasn’t an option for me.

This was the beginning of a turning point in my life. I had became so disillusioned with this physical world that it forced me to take a serious look at what was beyond it – to yearn for understanding, to be able to make sense of this nonsensical existence. It was the beginning of my true spiritual yearning.

They say everything happens for a reason, and I am a firm believer in that. But I don’t just want to believe, I want to, need to, fully understand and comprehend – I need to know the reason. I need to know why.

Things eventually got better, slowly. I got better. I got stronger. I moved on, just like the rest of the world had.

And then some years later, I found Gnosis. This changed everything. Finally, I was given the tools to be able to get the answers I had been yearning for. I learned about astral travel and started to have out-of-body experiences, directly verifying that I am more than just this physical body. It’s one thing to believe something, but it is a whole other thing to experience it and know for certain, it completely changes your perspective.

I started to learn about death, and have directly verified part of what happens when we die by investigating my mother’s death in the astral realm (you can read about that experience here). After that experience I understood the attachment I had to my mother’s personality, which is only a temporary thing, and I was able to let go of that attachment to her completely and truly move on. (Attachment in itself is still something I have yet to conquer, but I gave me an understanding that will help me to get there).

I know the Divine exists – I have had direct experiences with my Divine Parents and have received spiritual teachings in the astral – direct personal spiritual teachings, not something preached to me in a church that I must ‘believe’ in.

I have been given the tools to eliminate negativity within myself – those dark days of depression and sadness that crippled me need never do so again. I am no longer a victim of life’s circumstances; now I now know how to use life’s events to my advantage to change what is within myself. I am a long way from eliminating these aspects of my psyche completely, but now I know how to fight them, and it is SO liberating to not be a helpless victim to them.

I have learned a lot about myself, what is within me, about my psyche; my consciousness and my subconscious. I realize that for most of my waking life I am asleep (psychologically speaking), and I have learned what I need to do to ‘wake up’.

And I know why I am here. I know my purpose. Life is completely transformed when you know the point of it all.

All this, and I have barely begun to scratch the surface. There is SO much more to life than just this physical world which we temporarily find ourselves in. Just think; in 200 years from now, everything you hold close to you will be gone. Every person that is in your life now, your family, your friends, the people you love, your children and grandchildren, even your enemies, will have died. Everything you own and value will be gone, and everything you think is important in your life right now will be irrelevant. This physical world is transient, it doesn’t last. There is much more to life than just this.

So, it is Easter once again. Time keeps moving on, and each year seems to be passing faster. I have a lot to reflect on, both in terms of where I have come from, and where I am going. While I now know my life’s purpose, I have a lot of work to do get there. And time won’t wait for me. I have come a long way, but I still have a long way to go.

This is what I am reflecting on this Easter.

Read Full Post »

This question has always fascinated me, “what happens when we die?” I don’t know why it has, but it is something I have deeply contemplated since I can remember.

My Mum was killed on April 15, 1995. It was Easter Saturday. When someone close to you dies then you really contemplate death profoundly.

I had a lot of theories about it, and I had a lot of beliefs. But I never really knew. But through astral travel this is something I have begun to personally investigate, and I’ve verified at least part of what happens when we die.

When I first took the Astral Travel and Dreams Course in 2006, I was taught that our psyche is made up of 3 components;

  1. The Consciousness which is who we really are, the spiritual part within – it is the part that is ‘aware’. This makes up 3% of our psyche. This is the eternal part of us that goes on from lifetime to lifetime; it never dies.

  2. The subconscious or ‘egos’ which are our multitude of thoughts and emotions, which comprises 97% of our psyche. These egos also carry on through multiple lifetimes unless we eliminate them with the spiritual work.

  3. The personality, which is the vehicle through which both the consciousness and subconscious can manifest. It is made up of mental matter, and is formed by the age of 7 years old. It is essentially everything we acquire over the course of our lifetime; it is formed by our experiences and contains all the skills we learn. Like the physical body it is only used for one lifetime, and upon death it is discarded in the astral plane and gradually disappears. When people see ghosts, they are generally seeing the personalities of deceased people.

This last part really grabbed my interest… personalities of deceased people… if what they were saying was true then I would be able to find my Mum’s personality in the astral! I was SO excited by this – something I could actually investigate for myself!! (If you don’t know what astral travel is, read this post).

This was my driving force for learning how to project. Not only did I attend the lectures in person at the Melbourne Gnostic Center, but I simultaneously took the course on-line and followed the book. And I practiced every technique they taught me with vigor. I had a goal and I was determined to get there.

About 6 weeks into the course I projected for the first time. However to my dismay I found it terribly difficult to even stay in the astral, let alone find Mum there. But I didn’t give up. I kept practicing and practicing and slowly learning. I realized I had to start small and work my way up, so I temporarily put my mission to find Mum aside and focused on learning how to astral travel and to explore the astral realm.

A few months later I had a number of astral experiences under my belt. I was practicing really hard; in addition to the projection exercises at night I was being aware during the day, doing mantras, concentration practices and awareness walks. I focused all my energy day and night to astral travel, and I was getting some great results (no doubt I was also getting a lot of spiritual help too on account of my tremendous efforts).

By this stage I had gone on to more advanced courses with The Gnostic Movement, when the topic of death was covered in greater depth. I decided to pursue my original goal once more.

After several failed attempts I was determined to find her, and one night I did just that! I projected into my bedroom, then I asked my Divine Mother (the feminine aspect of my own inner Being) to take me to see Mum and I took a little jump. As I did so I felt myself being pulled backwards at tremendous speed – faster than you can comprehend, and within a second or two I was standing in front of Mum.

When I say I was standing in front of Mum, it was her personality that was before me. The real Mum, her essence or ‘awareness’ (the eternal spiritual part), had moved on. But her personality from this life was before me – she looked exactly the same as she did when she was alive! She knew who I was and I could talk to her, but it was as though she was in a deep day-dream. I walked up to her and hugged her, and it felt so good to hold her. I asked her how she was, and she said she was okay.

I had read in the course material that personalities of deceased people aren’t able to process any new information, they are stuck in the past. So if you were to ask them questions like ‘do they know they are dead’ they get very confused. I didn’t want to distress her, so I didn’t ask her anything like that. I didn’t need to, I could tell that she was unaware, it was as though she was in a Valium haze or something. It was just so good to see her and hold her, and I told her so.

I was so focused on finding her that I didn’t really have a plan of what to do once I had found her. Then I thought about how much my brother would love to see her, and I decided I would take her to him. I told her we were going on a little trip, put my arm around her, and holding onto her I flew up into the sky.

I remember looking down at the houses and streets below me, thinking ‘Gosh I have no idea of the direction to get to Ben’s house from up here’, and I was terribly frightened that I would fall into a dream so I was focusing with all my might to stay aware and conscious. Eventually somehow we made it to Ben’s house and we landed at the bottom of his driveway. His car was parked in the drive with the trailer attached to the back of it, so we walked around this and I led her up to the house.

Everything looked exactly the same as in the physical, only what is normally the front window of the house in the physical was to me the door. I left Mum outside and went in to find my brother. He was on the couch in the lounge room, and excitedly I told him Mum was here! To my dismay he was angry and upset that I had brought her there and started yelling at me, and he didn’t want me to bring her inside. I couldn’t understand and tried to reason with him but he was totally irrational. I looked at Mum outside and she was standing there with a terribly confused look on her face, and I didn’t know what to do…

That’s all I can remember, I must have fallen into a dream at that point and lost consciousness.

When I woke up I remembered the experience – it was crystal clear as though it had happened while I was awake. I was confused about the window of my brother’s house being the door, but everything else was like a day-time experience. I called him on the phone and asked if he remembered seeing me but he didn’t remember a thing, he was obviously in a dream himself at the time. Although he did tell me he had fallen asleep on the couch where I found him. He also confirmed his car was parked in the driveway with the trailer attached as I had seen it in the astral. Interestingly, when he enters or leaves the house in the astral, he does so through that same window.

So I was able to verify that part of what happens when we die in the astral. Now I want to verify what happens to the consciousness (the ‘awareness’) after death, which is the real ‘us’; the spiritual part that continues to live. I learned the theory of what happens to the consciousness in the advanced courses offered by the Gnostic Movement (and so far the theory has checked out to be correct) but until I can verify that part of it for myself it will remain a theory. I also want to verify reincarnation by investigating past lives in the astral.

I’m just SO glad to have been given the tools and ability to do so!

Read Full Post »