It is said that ‘pride makes us stupid’, in that it clouds us from seeing things objectively and distorts our perception of the way things really are.
Through observing myself, I have seen that when my pride has been bruised, it sparks that little voice within that likes to argue, justify and self-talk it’s way through to the delusion of being right. Further, there’s a certain pleasure that comes from this internal dialog that is really hypnotizing, and it takes a lot of effort not indulge it.
This is something that I have been battling with lately. ‘Hurt feelings’. And I have seen just how ugly that little voice within can be, internally lashing out with a ghastly negativity towards the perpetrators of my perceived grievance.
This is where the buck must stop with me. Regardless of the circumstances I find myself in, I must not allow this negativity to manifest.
A Great Teacher once said that negativity permeates though the higher dimensions and actually does harm to others (and ourselves), even though we can’t see it. It’s a grotesque, monstrous pollutant that is absolutely toxic, and if we could only see its ugliness then we would see we have an urgent responsibility to keep our feelings in check.
Whether I am right or not it is irrelevant, so the little internal voice that wants to convince me that I am is a treacherous deception. That voice that tells me how justified I am is a lie.
The truth is, the situation presents me with a choice:
One one hand, I have an opportunity to see this ugly monster within and work towards eliminating it. In that sense, the situation is a gift, a blessing to which I should give thanks.
On the other hand, I can indulge this ugly monster within, and feel justified in harboring the destructive, harmful vibrations of anger, hurt and negativity, deluded that I am right. In that sense, the situation becomes a curse.
Each moment, we have that choice.
Some moments it seems I am winning this battle, some moments (more than I would like to admit) I am losing. But I have to keep fighting from moment to moment, for there is too much at stake. I don’t want to have this toxic monster within me any more.